whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
