how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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