This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
