butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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