and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
