I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
