In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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