Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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