I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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