my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
