My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
