I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
