i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
