The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
