did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
