Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
