Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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