youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
