That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
