Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
