i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I AM VODKA MAN
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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