plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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