I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
