he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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