the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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