Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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