I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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