I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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