her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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