Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
