ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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