My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
