I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
