Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
