If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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