I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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