Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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