you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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