i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
