You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
