I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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