If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
