and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i drank out of a bidet.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
