I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
