she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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