Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
