Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
