when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
