Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I could fuck to npr.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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