Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
