well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
